Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields who hosts Friday Fictioneers. Each week Rochelle chooses a photo prompt to inspire writers to produce a 100 word piece of flash fiction. Do use the link to her blog if you are interested in joining the group. It’s a great way to get involved in writing.
PHOTO PROMPT © Jean L. Hays
Ninth birthday trade-in
Daddy worked away but always spent time with them on their birthdays. Today, she would have him to herself. Her brother was on a week’s school trip.
So excited on the train, she barely heard what Mummy said about “another woman” and “you mustn’t love her.”
Daddy’s car was at the station. A woman and a boy about her age sat inside. The day out didn’t last long. There were no more.
Next day at school they wrote letters to their siblings on the trip. Her paper remained blank and the teacher scolded her. She lowered her head in desperate sadness.
Edith M. Field 
I guess the realization took place off screen?
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Thank you for your question. The story explores the lead-up to the rejection the little girl experiences when her father abandons their outing and, as she understands it, chooses to spend her birthday with the woman and the boy. The wider implications of his action will be realised more slowly and over time.
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Ouch.
Very sad story, very well told.
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Thank you for your response and your appreciation of the way I wrote the story.
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Sadly divorce for many is one of the trauma’s of human life. You describe its impact on children so well.
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Thank you for your response to the content of my story and the writing style. Much appreciated.
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Truly heartbreaking story.
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Sadly, a heart broken in this way never fully heals. Thank you for your response.
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Very sad but a harsh reality too
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Unfortunately so. It’s deeply upsetting to think of children being caught up in this kind of situation. Thank you for your response.
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A sad tale and situation which is probably more common than we imagine. Excellent
My silly story!
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I’m sure you’re right and that many children have to go through this kind of hurtful experience. Thank you for your comment and especially for your very positive response.
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A sad downbeat story, but expertly written. I hope she learns to cope with her new situation.
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Thank you for your comment and the very positive feedback on the writing. I think she will be able to deal with the shock of learning the truth. It will take a while to sink in but, even at her young age, she’ll find the strength to rebalance her life now she knows what’s really going on.
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What a tough story–you get the emotions across well. I was a little confused letter line–the assignment was for them all to write to their siblings? They didn’t all go on a trip, right? You wrote this so that it’s easy to empathize with your narrator–you got a lot into the 100 words. I’m a teacher and have definitely seen (too often) sadness paralyze students when it comes to writing about their lives (or sometimes about anything) and your story brought that feeling right back to me.
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Thank you for your response. Sorry about the confusion. It’s the challenge of the 100 word story – what to put in and what to leave out! In the final paragraph “they wrote letters to their siblings” is intended to imply that they (who had brothers/sisters on the trip) wrote letters to their siblings. As you will appreciate, I would have gone over the word count if I had added the additional detail. The final sentence of your comment indicates to me that you will understand why I felt it was important to include the information about the letter writing. Thanks again for reading the story and taking the time to respond.
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Heartbreaking. This happens all too often… families breaking apart and kids feel like they are replaced with new families. Poor baby. I just wanna hold her. There’s a deeper conversation here and you did it in very few words. Kudos.
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Thank you for your comments. I love that you wanted to cuddle her cares away. Such a sensitive and caring response.
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How sad for her. I like how you show her grief only in the last sentence. Makes the grief real. Great job.
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The little girl just doesn’t have the words to explain in a letter to her brother and she just cannot write about anything else. The teacher’s criticism on top of the previous day’s experience is all too much and the grief overwhelms her. Thank you for telling me you liked the way that was written in the final sentence. I value your comment.
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Any time. Such a touching story.
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The day out didn’t last long. There were no more. This truly says it all. Delightful story.
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Thank you for picking up on this point. The end of the father/daughter relationship. What else is there to say? Again, thanks for your appreciative response.
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Desperately sad. I also feel for the mother who didn’t want her daughter to love the other woman. There are so many aspects in this story that could be explored with a larger word count. You conveyed the emotions very well.
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The mother only got a brief mention but, as you suggest, there’s a whole other story in there. It’s a terrible situation for the little girl but the mother’s heart must have been breaking. Thank you for your sensitive response.
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I imagine it can’t be easy for the father or new woman either, but I have less sympathy for them!
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I agree. I certainly have very little sympathy for the father. When things got a little tricky for him he dumped his own child!
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